My Immortal
by unlock.your.heart
Summary: A short series of connecting oneshots. NOT a songfic! Inspired by the song. Carth's thoughts in several scenes not in the game. Before the character awakes on Taris, on the way to the awards ceremony, after Revan leaves and when she comes back.
1. Reflection

Reflection

Disclaimer: Sorry, I don't own KOTOR, Carth or his angst.

Hey readers! Well this one is going to have three or four chapters depending on how much you guys like it. It's starts off with some angst, then will move to a fluffy Carth/Revan moment, then some more Carth angst. I'm still debating on putting another fluff piece when Revan comes back... So! I need your opinions. Please?

--

Carth lay on the floor in their apartment on Taris. It had been a few hours since the crash, and his new team-member was still unconscious lying on the only bed. Having nothing to do, Carth rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, thinking.

He thought of Morgana, his Ana. He'd never see her again. Never hear her tinkling laugh, never see the blush rise in her round cheeks, never hold her in his arms watching her sleep, and he would never again kiss her in the rain that had frequented Telos.

It could all be drawn back to one person. Sure, it was Saul that had betrayed them to go join the Sith. But, then he had been Malak's right hand, who'd been Revan's apprentice.

Revan.

Rage bubbled up inside him. Revan was the reason Morgana, his _Ana_, and his son Dustil where dead.

Dustil.

His boy. His life had barely even started before Telos had been destroyed. He'd been twelve years old.

Angry tears welled up behind Cath's eyes. He'd barely known the boy, then he'd been cruelly taken from Carth's life forever. It was torture.

Pure torture.

As minuets turned to hours, Carth lay there recalling all the good and the bad times he'd shared with his wife and son.

The day they'd been married.

The day Dustil was born.

Two of his most favorite days.

All the arguments he and Morgana had had after the war had begun.

Missing out on Dustil's childhood.

Two things he regretted most.

But his worst day ever by far, was the day of Telos's destruction.

He'd felt so helpless. Seeing the carnage and ruin of his former home. The place that had harbored the two most important people in his world. Now they were forever gone from him.

As Carth's thoughts began to wander again, he realized that the unconscious woman was thrashing and mumbling incoherently in her slumber.

His hero complex kicking in, Carth composed himself and went to check on her.


	2. A Quiet Moment

A Quiet Moment

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Carth, Revan or KOTOR. I just like to mess with them.

Part two of my short story. Review?

--

Carth sat on the bridge watching the controls, as they made their way to Rakata Prime. Revan was in his bunk getting get some hard earned sleep. Carth smiled. She'd saved them all. She had even saved Bastila from the Dark side. Only she could've handled the situation the way she did. Stretching, Carth rubbed his eyes. He was so tired. But, having a hero complex, he had volunteered to take the first watch. He could be so stupid sometimes. If he hadn't taken the watch, he'd be with Revan in his bunk, holding her while she slept.

As if some God had answered his prayers, Canderous walked onto the bridge.

"All right Republic, scram. What're you still doin' here anyways?"

"I'm still here because my watch doesn't end for another couple of hours."

Canderous chuckled. "Well I say your shift ends now. Go see your woman before she decides she wants a real man. Like me."

Carth glared at the mercenary. "If yo so much as look at her the wrong way, I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my blaster."

Canderous shook his head. "No, you won't, because I'm takin' your watch. So get the frack out of here."

Giving the older man a funny look, Carth got up and left the bridge to spend some time with Revan.

A few moments later, Carth entered his bunk to see Revan spread out on his bed reading what seemed to be an old journal of his... Frack.

She looked up when he entered, with a mischievous smirk on her face. Carth gulped.

Stuttering, Carth spoke softly, "W-where d-did you find-d that?.."

Putting the book down, Revan looked up at him with innocent eyes. "Where did I get what Blaster Boy?"

Pointing at the journal, he sputtered out, "That book! Where d-did you find it-t?"

Picking up the book gently she flipped through absentmindedly, "Oh, you mean _this_ book? I found it under your bed when I dropped my hair elastic."

"What did you read in it?"

"Oh, just a few secrets... Of yours..."

Again, Carth gulped.

Smiling sadly, she spoke in an thoughtful tone, "I never knew that you felt so much pain and suffering after Telos..." As she finished speaking Revan patted the spot next to her. Carth obliged and sat down wrapping her in his arms.

Carth murmured into her hair, "It was a long time ago and _you've_ healed all my wounds from Telos." Wiping tears from her eyes, she touched his face with her hand, "I still feel so guilty about that even though I don't remember what happened that fateful day."

Carth's heart soared. Only she would apologize over something she didn't even remember doing. She was so kind and thoughtful it made him have hope for the galaxy. If Revan could change her ways, why couldn't the rest of the worlds do the same?

She snuggled closer into his embrace. It was his favorite thing about her. She didn't need to fill in quiet times with chatter. It was so peaceful sitting there with his love in his arms. Safe, whole and happy. Running a hand through her hair, he pressed his forehead to hers. They sat there quietly for what seemed like forever, simply enjoying being with one another.

Laying her head on his chest, Revan whispered, "I love you Carth. With all my heart, I want you to know that I will never willingly leave you."

Laying back and tightening his arms around her, Carth murmured softly into her hair, "I love you to Rev-"

Interrupting him she whispered into his ear, "Call me Amy, I'm not Revan anymore."

Smiling, Carth corrected, "I love you Amy."

Soon after, the pair became silent.

They lay in each other's arms, just enjoying their quiet moment together.


	3. You

You

Disclaimer: I don't own Carth or his angst. So don't sue me!

This chapter is going to contain a song from Evanescence, 'You' hence the title. Oh, wait a sec, I don't own the song 'You' either! It belongs to the amazing and talented Evanescence.

--

Sitting on the edge of their -no _his_- bed, Carth put his head in his hands. It was like Telos all over again. The love of his new life was gone. The only sign of her ever being there was a small note that was lying innocently on his pillow.

That small, harmless looking note, had caused the end of his world.

In it, was the messy script that only one person had.

Revan.

Or as he had called her, Amy. It was the name the Jedi Council had given her after they'd saved her. It fit her better than Revan. Revan was a name filled with hatred and murder. Amy was soft, pretty and fun, just like her.

But, now she was gone. She might never come back from this mission that she and the Jedi Council had agreed on. The thought of never seeing her again made Carth shudder and caused tears to fill his eyes.

He sighed looking out the window it was twilight. Amy's favourite time of day.

Carth reached into one of the pockets in his jacket, and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. It wasn't Amy's note, no. It was the note that could've changed his life in a completely different way.

It was the poem that he'd written for Amy, professing his love and asking her an important question.

With shaking hands, Carth unfolded his love letter, and read the words he'd written for his love.

_..._

_My dear Amy, _

_I can't keep you out of my mind, and I wrote this poem to show you, just how much I love and need you._

_The words have been drained from this pencil.  
Sweet words that I want to give you.  
And I can't sleep,  
I need to tell you,  
Goodnight._

When we're together, I feel perfect.  
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart.  
All you say is sacred to me.  
Your eyes are so blue,  
I can't look away.  
As we lay in the stillness  
you whisper to me.

Amy, marry me?  
Promise you'll stay with me.  
Oh you don't have to ask me.  
You know you're all that I live for,  
you know I'd die just to hold you.  
Stay with you.  
Somehow I'll show you,  
that you are my night sky.  
I've always been right behind you.  
Now I'll always be right beside you.

So many nights I cried myself to sleep.  
Now that you love me, I love myself.  
I never thought I would say this,  
I never thought there'd be,  
You. 

_..._

Tears fell from Carth's eyes, blurring the intricately written words, causing the ink to run down the page.

He couldn't understand how she couldn't take him with her. It would be better to die side-by-side with her, than to sit here waiting for her return. It was torture. He couldn't function without her. It was like his heart had been ripped out and trampled by a pack of angry kath hounds. He felt like a shell of his for more self. Hollow and empty without his Amy.

He remembered the last sentence in her letter, _"You probably hate me right now, but I have a favor to ask. No matter what, I need you to defend the Republic from the Sith. Do what I couldn't do. And just remember that, Carth, I love you."_

Shaking his head, he thought, "As if I could ever hate her." It was insanity. But he would do this for her.

Even if it killed him.

--

Okay so here is the next angst chapter! This will be the last chapter if you guys don't review... Because the last chapter _could_ be a fluff moment of Revan's return... So, give me your thoughts. Just press that little periwinkle coloured button on the left!

-Leslie


	4. After the Storm

After the Storm

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

--

Carth stood in front of the huge window in is new office overlooking Telos. His home world had been restored to its former glory in the past six years, it was beautiful. Amy would've loved it, he knew that for sure. It had once been his greatest desire to see his home rebuilt and thriving. Now the one thing he wanted to see again before he died he would most likely never see again.

_Amy._

There was nothing in the galaxy that he wanted more than to see her face and hold her in his arms. His son, Dustil, had tried to get him up and around Telos to see all the restored and new things. To relive the happy times they'd once had here. But his boy had given up his attempts once his wife, Mission, became pregnant.

Carth didn't blame him. It wasn't supposed to be able to happen, humans and Twi'leks having children. So Mission's pregnancy was fraught with complications. It was fantastic news, the couple was ecstatic of course. They had never thought it would happen even in their wildest dreams.

Walking away from the window, Carth sat on the side of his desk and put his head in his hands. There was so much going on around him, but his thoughts never strayed far from his Amy. His mind was a chaotic mess of memories, sadness, and his daily life. The storm that he thought had left him for good when he fell in love with Amy had returned with full force. It was the storm of emotions that was caused by loss of a loved one. He knew it well, although last time the storm had hit him, Carth had been able to channel it into the burning need for revenge he'd had for Saul. Then he'd met her and his storm of anger and guilt, had passed.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door. That was odd. No one other than Dustil and Mission came to see him and they'd called earlier saying that Mission was staying at the hospital.

Deciding to see who was there, Carth pushed himself off the desk and opened the door completely unprepared to what waited for him.

There in his doorway, was the woman he thought he'd never see again, but prayed to every second since she left.

His Amy.

She stood there, holding herself back, looking for some sign that she wasn't wanted. Carth smiled, she was crazy as ever.

Reaching out, Carth pulled her close to him, holding her as if he let go, even for a moment she'd disappear again. Looking into her eyes, he saw happiness and relief there. Smiling, Carth pressed his lips to hers.

Backing into his home with his love once again in his arms he shut the door behind them and thought, _"The storm is over. I have my Amy back."_


End file.
